Weight loss

I mainly try and stick to blogging about our family and all the fun stuff that we do as a group. Today I wanted to blog about something that has been very important to me over the last 3 yrs. Weight loss. Oh how I hate that term. I just really don't like the term "weight" at all. Before I became pregnant with Lexie I was in the gym literally every day. I mean why not? I worked from 8-4:30pm and had plenty of time in the afternoons and on the weekends to work out so I took full advantage of that opportunity.

While I was pregnant with Lexie I was unable to function must less work out at any given time. I think I maybe went to the gym 3-4x over a 10 month period. If I was able to get through the day WITHOUT throwing up, I felt like a super star. Pregnancy was very hard on my body.

After I had Lexie I INTENDED to get back in the gym as soon as I was cleared from the Dr. Well that didn't quiet happen. Let's face it, I was nursing a newborn every 3-4 hours in the dead of winter and while she was an EXCELLENT baby by the time Ryan walked in the door at 6pm I just wanted to lay down and rest for a couple of hours. I know that people say you should "sleep when the baby sleeps" but I have NEVER been able to sleep during the middle of the day. I just can't do it!! Anyway, I slowly worked myself back into the gym around 10-12 weeks and I do mean slowly. It was hit or miss for me for several months. Between working, pumping (at least 3-4x a day), nursing at home and trying to keep up with life in general, the gym just wasn't happening. It didn't help that while I was breastfeeding I was starving (or so I thought) so not only did I gain all my weight back after delivery (roughly 12 lbs or so) but I gained an additional 10 pounds nursing. This put me at a weight I was NOT proud of. I stopped pumping at 10 1/2 months but I had enough breast milk stored up (b/c I was a nazi about breast milk) to keep giving her breastmilk until she turned a year old. For that I am VERY PROUD.

By the time that I stopped pumping at 10 1/2 months I was at my all time high of 165 pounds. It pains me to even THINK about it must let type it. I had reached an all time low in my self esteem because let's face it, 165 will work for someone who is 5"10 or so but not for someone who is barely 5'2. I was determined to get the weight off and got very serious about working out and eating better. This was still a struggle b/c when you work 9 hrs and come home to a toddler, you sometimes just want to say "forget it" to the healthy eating and load up on the carbs. Add working out to that and you are just tired thinking about it.

Over the last 2 yrs I have spent a good amount of time working out and attempting to eat healthy. Let's face it, I LOVE FOOD. There I said it. Eating healthy and not over eating is very hard for me and something I struggle with on a daily basis. A couple of months ago I was in the bathroom getting ready and I heard Lexie come in behind me. I look over and she is standing on the scale. I asked her what she was doing and she replied "I see my numbers mommy. Just like you". Can I tell you that it just broke my heart to hear her say that? My daughter is PERFECT and I realized at that moment that I don't want her to EVER think that "numbers on a scale" should determine your self worth. For me that was a turning point. I decided that I would continue to eat healthy and to go to the gym but I WOULD NOT weigh myself every day (4-5x a day) like I have done in the past. I would learn to love myself and see a beautiful person in the mirror in the mornings instead of someone I thought "could stand to lose 5-10 more pounds". I am proud to say that I have been successful with that venture. NEVER do I weigh myself when Lexie is around and I have gotten to where I weigh myself 1x a week and sometimes 1x every week and a half.

I am learning to love myself for who I am. Yeah, I may not look EXACTLY like I did before I got pregnant with Lexie but WHO CARES. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter to share life with. I want my daughter to grow up and love herself and not struggle with the right "weight". I guess my whole point in this post is that I don't normally put my thoughts on my blog and try and keep it a little more light. It amazing that a small sentence spoken by a child can change the way you look at yourself and life as a whole.

I am for my own reference going to post 2 pictures. One is in October 2008 right before I stopped pumping (the 1st one). The 2nd one was taken a couple of weeks ago before we went to church. I am learning to love my body now even though it's quite different AFTER I had Lexie and I wish I would have learned to love my body back when I was heavier. Oh well, life is all about learning.

October 2008


December 2010